Boy Trouble
by cmaddict
Summary: Second in the "Funny Girl" series. So this was how it was parenting a teenage daughter. Talk about hell on earth.


**A/N**: Thank you guys so much for the response you gave! It made a tough week better, really. Here's the next installment in the "Funny Girl" series (set after 'Time After Time'). I hope y'all enjoy it too! As always, please leave a note telling me how I did!

_Boy Trouble_

"I _detest_ boys!"

Rachel's sudden declaration nearly drowned out the soaring strains of "Singing in the Rain." Shelby glanced up sharply from the sheet music scattered across her desk in her office. Her mouth tipped in amusement as her daughter stomped to a halt just in front of her desk, arms folded over her chest and eyes blazing.

"Welcome to womanhood," Shelby quipped, leaning back in her chair, studying the livid teenager in front of her. _Great_, she thought to herself. Her teenage daughter had boy trouble. She knew it would happen one day, but she'd wanted to at least be a little more prepared. Or have an escape plan in mind. What if she wanted to talk about sex? Or birth control? Hadn't her dads given her The Talk yet? Hesitantly, she asked, "Did you talk to your dads?"

Rachel made a face. "As ironic as it sounds, I can't exactly talk to my dads about this. They wouldn't really understand."

_Fantastic_. Shelby ran a hand through her dark hair and sighed resignedly. "Alright. Let me guess. Finn?"

"Finn?" Rachel scrunched up her face and shook her head. "No, not Finn. We may have had our disagreements in the past, what with the 'Run Joey Run' debacle, but we've been getting along the last few months."

"What 'Run Joey Run' debacle?"

She sighed and waved her hand dismissively. "Just a tragic misunderstanding brought on by my insane drive to be popular." Suddenly Rachel's eyes narrowed. "How'd you know about Finn?"

"I have my sources."

Rachel frowned. "That's creepy."

"I'm your mother. Get used to it." Rachel harrumphed, and Shelby's grin widened. "Now, explain to me why you detest boys."

The teenager sighed dramatically. "Artie."

"Who's Artie?"

"The boy in the wheelchair."

"Oh." Shelby folded her arms across her chest. "Well, if you like him, the wheelchair shouldn't be a problem."

"Like him?" Rachel shook her head vehemently. "Definitely not! I mean, he's nice and everything, but I think he's got this thing for Tina."

"Who's Tina?"

"The girl who dresses like a Goth, with the colored streaks in her hair."

"Oh." Shelby could feel her temples begin to throb. "So why does he make you detest boys?"

"He doesn't. I overheard him tell Mike that –"

"Wait," Shelby interrupted. "Who's Mike?"

"Mike Chang. One of the football guys Finn convinced to join the club."

"Okay." Shelby leaned back in her chair again. She had a feeling this was going to be a very, very long story. "Go on."

"Anyways, I overheard Artie tell Mike that Kurt had –"

"Kurt's the other diva, right?" Shelby interrupted again.

"Yes!" Rachel said, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation. "Stop interrupting!"

"Sorry. Continue, please."

"Where was I?"

"You'd overheard Artie tell Mike that Kurt had done something."

"Right. Although I'm not entirely certain I can include Kurt as a boy. He's more of… well, an honorary girl."

Shelby just nodded. She wasn't going to touch that one with a ten-foot pole.

"Anyway, Artie told Mike that Kurt had said that Noah –"

"Who's –" Rachel's glare stopped Shelby mid-inquiry. The older woman raised her hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. Sorry."

"Noah _Puckerman_ has been _mouthing_ the words to _every_ song we've been rehearsing for the last _week_! Kurt said he stood next to him last week and couldn't hear a single note from his mouth! Can you believe it?"

"Absolutely not." Shelby furrowed her brow, thoroughly confused.

"I told him specifically _months_ ago that I expect the members of glee club to be pulling their own weight. I cannot spend the rest of my high school career allowing them to pull me down! Nationals is in two months! Maybe I should get the A/V club to plant listening devices in the choir room again, or –"

"Wait, wait, wait," Shelby broke into her daughter's rant. "So, you don't… _like_ this Noah?"

"Noah?" Rachel pretended to shudder. "Hardly. I may have dated him for a week or so a few months ago, but that was simply a desperate attempt to gain the attention I was lacking from another boy. I've matured since then."

"Oh, thank God." Shelby put her head down on her desk. "Thank you, God!"

"Uh, I thought you'd concur with me that lip synching is an atrocious practice."

"It is, honey, it is." She pushed her chair back and stood. In two strides she crossed the room, wrapping her arms around her stunned teenager.

"What did you think I was talking about?" Rachel mumbled into Shelby's blouse.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Shelby sighed, running her hands through Rachel's hair. Thank God it was just about glee club and not about – she didn't even want to think about it.

Suddenly Rachel pulled back to look at her mother. "Did you think I was talking about _sex_?"

"No!" But the slight blush tingeing her cheeks betrayed her.

The corners of Rachel's mouth tilted into a smile, and she reached down to grasp Shelby's hand. "Don't worry. I had that very long and very awkward conversation with my dads a long time ago."

She sighed, relief washing over her. "Good." With her free hand, Shelby brushed a stray strand of hair back from Rachel's face. "But you know that if you… well, you can come to me to talk about it. Sometimes it's better to get a woman's perspective."

Rachel grinned. "Thanks, Shelby. I'll remember that. As proud as I am of my dads, hearing about that from them once was enough."

Shelby cringed inwardly. "Yeah."

With one last squeeze of her mother's hand, Rachel released it. "I should let you get back to work."

"How about dinner tomorrow night?" Shelby suggested. "You can tell me about 'Run Joey Run.'"

Rachel nodded, smiling. "I'd like that." She picked up her trolley bag and headed toward the door. Just before she exited Shelby's office, she turned and said, "And Shelby? It's too bad I didn't know you were my mother before I considered doing that with Jesse. I definitely would've come to you about that instead of going to the glee club." With that, she disappeared around the corner.

Shelby stood stunned in her office long after Rachel vanished. Her girl considered having _sex_ with Jesse? That playboy? _I'll kill him_, she fumed silently. _I'll kill him and hide the body where it'll never, ever be found. __I'll kill him in ways he didn't even know existed.__  
_

She sank into her seat and dropped her head to her desk with a thud. So this was what it was being a parent to a teenage girl.

Talk about hell on earth.

"God help me," she murmured.


End file.
